Aleyah's 18th birthday tomorrow

A big reason I post on social media about things we are doing is because I want my child to see what is happening in my life as I dont have direct contact. I want her to see that I am here for her. I always have been and always will be... 

I also have tried to keep updated on her life as much as possible in any way I can. I have regular meetings with school/college and other contacts.

She is 18 tomorrow!!! A huge landmark!

But as you know, 18 is not that magical age where an alienated child can 'choose'... Alienated children are  conditioned to be apart and even hate or fear the parent they have been alienated from so I might have to face that.

The positive is that the family courts can no longer be used to facilitate this behaviour any further.

 There may be a lot of repair work to do. It is very difficult (almost impossible) to get any support from ANY organisation to assist with a reunification process.

 

I, like many other affected parents have to just keep on reaching out but trying never to lose hope

As an alienated parent I find the best way for me to cope with the situation celebrate her birthday as best I can in her absence..

As we have every year since she was retained from any contact (well over a decade ago), we have gathered cards and gifts for the day that we are reunited.. Hopefully that will be soon!

I have also sent cards and gifts again to the address I THINK she has moved to but do not know for certain. No gifts throughout the years since she was taken again have ever been acknowledged.

Tomorrow, as I do every year , I will be trying to celebrate her birthday with cake of course... It is tough... it really is... and I am sure there will once again be tears...

However, I keep the hope that she is of the age now where she will reach out to her paternal family who love and miss her wholeheartedly. Sadly, her grandmother, won't get the opportunity to reunite with her as she passed away in 2015 but she has cousins, Aunts and Uncles who would love to be reunited.

I hope Aleyah sees all of the messages, posts and realises that I am here for her. I always have been... I ALWAYS will be... and I know that NONE of this is her fault.

I hope that her maternal family get the help they need to take the cold heartedness out of their lives and promote her loving relationship with her paternal family who miss her so much.

They need to put an end to this alienating behaviour which they will know has been abusive not only to her paternal family but to Aleyah also.

I always wonder if they have any guilt, remorse or regret but surely, if they did, this would have been resolved by now. 😪

I hope she has a wonderful day... I am so so proud of her and everything she has achieved so far in her life. I love and miss her wholeheartedly.

One more day closer!!!!!

 #parentalalienationawareness

s.monkdalton@gmail.com

0034 622925754

Family Courts - Avoid if possible

The family court systems are so very broken..

 We know this and yes, it is so unfair and as anybody who has gone through this nightmare will know, there is very little or no deterrent or accountability for the actions of the other parent and their representation

Alienation, abduction, retention, false allegations, frustration of contact seems to be more common than not in ongoing cases and I agree that not enough is being done to tackle this very serious problem..

The "law" is actually being used and abused to achieve an objective.. total "parentectomy"...

Having trying for over 13 years to reunite with my child and trying to stay positive in the process, I can say that if at all possible, try to resolve matters OUT of the court room..

It can often make the situation much worse than you can imagine when first appearing..

 You enter as a concerned and loving parent looking for help to reunite with your child but instead it can often label you as a risk and have to jump through hoop after hoop to make any progress whatsoever...

The longer it goes on, the more that people around you accept that this is the way it is..

It gets to the point where you have no mechanism to contest any judgements no matter what devious and malicious means were used to obtain them..

Who are the winners? the parents?? the family?? the children?? absolutely not.. none of them..

The winners in these situations are ONLY legal and childcare "professionals".. I wish I could believe they can be effective but unfortunately, given my experience and the experiences of many other parents I have spoken with over the past decade, I don't... 

I really do wish parents the very best in these situations but please, if you choose or are forced to enter the family court circus..

be prepared for a struggle..

be prepared to be treated unfairly..

be prepared to be disappointed and disillusioned in the current system...

be prepared for people you hope to be there to dig their heads in the sand...

be prepared for emotional trauma...

Whether in court proceedings or not, NEVER give up on the person that matters the most.. your child! ..

Whether it is tomorrow, or much later in the future, they will need you and will, I am sure, want to see that you have NEVER given up..

They will want to see that it is not you that is trying to alienate your child...but it IS you that continues to do everything you can to be involved in their life... however you can! 

I hope this message is taken as it is intended..

The family courts need to be a very LAST resort.. NOT the first... The way the system is right now it is a complete lottery.. it is soul destroying..

Our children NEED us to be strong no matter what obstacles are put in front of us..

Sending love and best wishes to all who are having to go through this.. 

Of course I am also reaching out as I always have to my wonderful, beautiful, talented daughter who will be turning 18 in August...

I love you.... I always have... I always will

ONE DAY CLOSER!!!! XXX

s.monkdalton@gmail.com

0034 622 925 754

#parentalienationawareness #onedaycloser #endparentalalienation #ParentalAlienation #parentalchildabduction #kidsfirst #paawareness

Social Media Posts

I know I am quite active on social media with pics etc and I know that I don't really have to explain why... However, I actually want to because it might help other parents / families affected by parental alienation.

The main reason I post is because I want my daughter to see what is happening in our lives as I do not have the opportunity to speak to her in person.. It is my way to, in some way, keep her updated and to see that I am the same loving dad that she was alienated from and not a broken shell of that person as a result of the tactics that were used (and continue to be used) to keep us apart.

I have had to learn to compartmentise my thoughts to things I can do something about here and now versus things I have to be patient about being able to do.. This is harder than you might imagine.

I hope my daughter sees my posts and will know that I long for us to be reunited and she will be familiar with the places we go and the person/dad that I am.. AND that she is ALWAYS in my mind and in my heart... 

I will continue to do everything I can to keep updated about her day to day life and reach out to her... I hope that sooner, rather than later, she will reach out to me too.

s.monkdalton@gmail.com

0034 622925754

With regard to other parts of my life, I want my daughter to know how happy I am with the most amazing, wonderful, supportive, loving lady Michelle who I love so much... and she also cannot wait to meet her... 

We live in the most beautiful country (to me) and I feel extremely blessed in so many ways..

We also have some wonderful friends who I am so grateful for including those I play football, darts, padel, cycling with... as well as my long term friends who I treasure so much

I pray that my daughter and I will be reunited soon... One day closer! xx

Parental Alienation Awareness - Michelle's words

This was written a couple of years ago but it means just as much now as it did when written.. Thank you Michelle ❤️ xx

-------------------

"I didnt really know that much about parental alienation until I saw what was happening with you. Over the years we have been together I have seen the extent you go to daily to be part of Aleyahs life.

I have been to some of your termly visits to the school and its is obvious that the school teachers know exactly what is happening but are powerless to do anything about it.

I have seen the attacks on you for trying to stay involved in her life. Even death threats!

I see how proud you are of her and was with you when we went to see her in the School of Rock musical in London and how hard it was for you to be there as an anonymous face in the crowd.

Also I have seen first hand the tactics that are used to try to erase you from her life. Even changing her name immediately after her 16th birthday and attempting to remove any photographs you have together from social media. 

The effort you have made to raise awareness of parental alienation and parental child abduction with event such as football tournaments, skydive, concerts, the One Day Closer shop, even making the journey on foot between Spain and UK completing a marathon a day for 44 days and now cycling over 2700km meeting up with other parents en route on Tandem Across Borders - Spain to UK in August this year.

I hope you manage to get the support with this that you deserve.

Even with everything you are going through, you still take the time to support and listen to other parents who are facing a similar situation. 

Every day I see how much you love and think about Aleyah and would do anything you can to be reunited. I cant wait to see that happen as you have done all of this without reacting to any provocation. She should be so proud of you. All you have done is show your love for your daughter.

We have tried to celebrate her birthdays and Christmases in her absence and altbough I can see how much it hurts, you do so with a smile on your face.

Ive spoken to many people who knew Aleyah when she was here with you and they all say the same thing. How much of a dedicated, loving father you are and how dispicable it was the tactics that were used to take her again even after she was abducted and returned back to you through the courts.

Ive even spoken to people who once were friends of the maternal family who are disgusted with the way you have been treated and stepped away from their friendship with them for that reason.

You never give up Steve and I know you never will. Aleyah will be so proud of you once she realises everything you have tried to do. I am sure she knows already but while she is still a child, she will still be under pressure and influence of the alienator. Your time will come Steve. I cant wait to meet her xxxx"

Parental Alienation Awareness 

#parentalalienationawareness 

#parentalalienation

Century ride 3 of 27

I'm not getting through these rides as quickly as I would like but this has been due to various other commitments and some personal matters that Michelle and I needed to address... Not to mention the fact that we have our wedding planned for the near future.

However, last weekend I completed another century ride that was partly completed on the road bike and partly on the tandem with Michelle.

I had some other news recently. I love to hear when good things happen to good people.. 

This week, two parents who I have been in touch with for several years have been reunited with their children following the most horrifying cases of parental alienation, parental child abduction and false allegations used to frustrate any contact.. 

One of these parents even had a tearful apology from the alienating parent stating that they were TOLD to do this by lawyers... (no excuse.. They should have said no...and those lawyers SHOULD be held accountable for even suggesting it.... but they wont be)

The other parent said that they didn't know whether to tell me as they thought I might be upset as I have still not been reunited with my child..... Please... DO tell me good news like this... I am so so happy for you and really look forward to hearing that you are repairing the damage caused by so many years apart and the alienation tactics that were used over the past decade...

These good news stories really do help affected parents... grandparents... and children as they can see that there might be light at the end of the tunnel... 

No matter how tough the past and today might have been, tomorrow the situation might change completely... It happens!!!!

Stay positive all... and try to keep it together and look after YOU!

Your children will want to be reunited with the same parent they were alienated from... (only stronger and wiser)... Not a broken shell of that parent.

One day closer!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Mothers Day AND Dia del Padre - 19 Mar

This year, on 19th March, Father's day in Spain is celebrated on the same day as Mother's day in UK...

so.... Happy "Parents Day" all good moms and dads out there.. 

Please don't forget that parents who cannot see their children due to parental child abduction and /or parental alienation ARE still moms or dads on these days.

The difference being that it cannot be acknowledged by the children that they love with all of their hearts... Often due to the cruel and heartless brainwashing of the child at the hands of the other parent or family that claim to love them.

It really is so difficult and the emotions heighten even more on key dates.. 

Thoughts with all affected parents, grandparents, families AND of course, their children.... One day closer x

-------------

Este año, el 19 de marzo, el día del padre en España se celebra el mismo día que el día de la madre en Reino Unido...

 así que... Feliz "Día de mamá y papá" a todas las buenas mamás y papás...

 Por favor, no olvide que los padres que no pueden ver a sus hijos debido al secuestro de niños por parte de los padres y/o la alienación de los padres SON todavía mamás o papás en estos días.

 La diferencia es que los niños no pueden reconocer que aman con todo su corazón... A menudo debido al cruel y despiadado lavado de cerebro del niño a manos del otro padre o familia que dice amarlo.

 Realmente es tan difícil y las emociones aumentan aún más en fechas clave..

 Pensamientos con todos los padres, abuelos, familias afectadas Y, por supuesto, sus hijos.... Un día más cerca x

#fathersday #kidsfirst #parentalalienation #parentalchildabduction #onedaycloser

Parental Alienation Awareness

Century ride 2 of 27

Another century ride completed today.

 I was hoping to do some on the tandem but unfortunately, I did not have a co-rider/stoker as Michelle was busy with work.

I stopped off at some lovely places and was a very pleasant day

Video clip of today's cycle

Century ride 1 of 27

On Sunday I completed my 1st century ride of 27 I hope to complete this year.

Remember, you can still help me raise my fundraising target on

 https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tandemacrossborders-paa

Thanks again all

Steve

s.monkdalton@gmail.com

0034 622925754

Making a Start

January has come to a close and I have been getting back out on the bike a bit more so hopefully I will make a start on the first of 27 century rides that I intend to do this year next weekend...

Only century ride days will count towards my total and I will publish my Strava results on here.

Don't forget that I have kept my JustGiving page open as I still want to reach my target amount and my target distance of 2700km that sadly I could not complete last year due to illness.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tandemacrossborders-paa

Since my tests, I have had no further cardio issues which is a relief. There had been a suggestion that the episode could have been due to Covid and/or the vaccines but whether this is true or not remains a mystery.

I am just happy to be feeling a bit fitter again but everything I do now, I do with a bit more caution.

I would love to be able to do the tours again but lets get these 27 century rides out of the way first and then MAYBE I can think about doing a tour of Spain... I have already looked at a possible route which would take me alongside the Camino de Santiago part of the way.

At the moment, this is just an idea but I thought I would share that with you.

January Update

It has been a couple of months since I provided an update on here so I will let you know what my hopes are for this year in regard to cycling.

It was my hope that I would have been able to provide definate plans but recent events have been quite stressful and I just needed to step away for a while to recharge.

Before I go into further detail, I have some extremely sad news to share in that my good friend Peter Lane sadly passed away recently after illness

He will be missed so so much by so many. My love and thoughts go out to his whole wonderful family.. 

Always positive, dedicated and caring.. Such unbelievable support to me personally in trying to reunite with my daughter Aleyah who he met during our travels in the first few years of her life.

He selflessly travelled down to London to meet with us to give his support when I was going through the most difficult family court processes and even went to see some of her West End performances.. 

He had an amazing knack of having me in fits of laughter even when I might have least felt like it and was always a friend I could turn to.

He was one in a million... Bless you Peter... RIP 😥 xxx

As Peter spent all of his adult life serving some of the most underprivileged communities and, at just 53 years old, thought he would have longer to prepare for his final arrangements. 

No one is obligated to donate, but if you would consider donating and/or sharing this link, Peter's family would be so grateful

https://www.givesendgo.com/Reverend_Lane?utm_source=facebook

----------

With regard to any plans for a cycle, the cardio episode I had in August as well as Covid illness, this really did take its toll on me. 

Not to mention a horrific trip back to UK in October last year which really had me wondering why people could go to extreme lengths to hurt others no matter what the effects might be. 

I just really needed some time away from everything... However, I am as positive as I can be and healthwise, I feel much better so I hope to put some plans together again soon...

I had mentioned about staying local for cycling to be on the cautious side but I may decide to take some journeys away..

As mentioned, I want to cover a distance of 2700km which I was hoping to cover on Tandem Across Borders before I had the cardio problems.. 

What I hope to do over 2023 is 27 ton cycles that will cover that distance.. Any shorter cycles, will not be counted towards the total as they are just for fun... 

Hopefully, this will be acceptable to all who have sponsored me and I still hope to meet my fundraising target.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tandemacrossborders-paa

I will provide a countdown throughout the year.

Thank you again for your support all. Really means a lot.

A setback ☹️

Well... Once again, things have not gone to plan.

I was hoping to set a schedule to complete the km before New Year but once again, illness and personal issues have got in the way so have had to make the decision to rethink this until the new year and, once again, I apologize for this but I don't really have much of a choice.

Illness is not serious so dont worry... and it is not related to the cardio episode I had en route that brought the original plan to an abrupt halt.

Guys... I will keep you updated when I can and hope to schedule something soon.

You might also have noticed that I am not as active on social media right now. This was a choice I made due to being so disillusioned with some groups and individuals that I just needed to step away from the dramas to allow me to remain as positive as I can be.

Steven 

I have a quick message for my daughter Aleyah.

With great pride, I have recently heard that you have been selected for a major role in a new West End workshop.. I have also had recent updates from your teachers who had mainly positive comments to make.

I need you to know that you are always in my mind and in my heart and it is heartbreaking that each time I think we might be closer to reuniting, yet another obstacle is put in the way.. 

Nothing surprises me anymore ☹️

Our home will always be your home and I will always be here for you. I love you ALWAYS and forever... Unconditionally!! x

Love Dad xxx

s.monkdalton@gmail.com

0034 622925754

Back in Training

I am happy to say that I am back in training and soon I will give an update on my plans to complete the 2700km I was originally going to do on Tandem Across Borders.

The distance I will cover, I plan to complete before the end of the year and will post Strava updates with the distance remaining after each "recorded" cycle.

I will also invite people local to here to ride with me on the tandem bike. Please let me know if you would like to ride out on the tandem with me any of the days xx 🙏

Hopefully, this will be acceptable to all who have sponsored me and I still hope to meet my fundraising target.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tandemacrossborders-paa

The distance I covered prior to taking ill will not be included in the total I hope to complete.

I hope to start this in the next couple of weeks and will plan routes and circuits that I can complete whilst still being under observation for health reasons.

Thank you all once again for your kind words and support... 

Steve

0034 622 925 754

s.monkdalton@gmail.com

Further Update on Health

 Hi all

I have some good news. Yesterday, I went for my eagerly awaited ergometry test and also had the results of my Holter monitoring and both gave good results.

The Ergo test is basically a cardio stress test to raise the heart rate to the max under monitored conditions

This means that I have been given the go-ahead to start doing some training and getting out on the bike again.

So, I just want to spend a few weeks getting myself into shape again and then I can make further plans to start covering the originally planned distance of 2700km albiet closer to home. But this training will be little by little (poco a poco)

Thanks again for the support and understanding people have given. I will provide further updates over the next few weeks.

The irregulatities found earlier and the possible reason for my collapse were possibly down to not fully recovering from Covid before the cycle but that is only an assumption but I am so relieved that this might have been just an isolated incident rather than something more serious.

For any people that still wish to give support, my JustGiving page remains active

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tandemacrossborders-paa

Steve

Update on plan and health

An update... This Friday I have my Holter monitor and following this, a couple of cardio stress tests. 

Once again, I apologise for the caution we have given on this. As you can understand, I am gutted that it came to a halt so soon as I felt fine.... Until I didn't!!!... But you cannot ignore anything cardio related... 

If this shows to be ok, I will then make plans to cover the 2700km in various rides local to home on a schedule planned with the cardiologist.. and will make sure that someone is cycling with me..

"Most" people have been very understanding which I am relieved about as I hate letting anybody down.. Including myself... I was given another €20 last night even after explaining the situation which I added to the JustGiving page..

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tandemacrossborders-paa

£1721 now of the £2000 target...

It really was not meant to be was it?? Even the last day would have had to have been cancelled (or changed to avoid London) if we had got to that point due to this being on the day that the Queen sadly passed away :/

So... we have to look at some positives...

1) The distance will hopefully still be possible albiet different from original plan

2) We can still reach the target and may actually raise further awareness in that we are still dedicated to completing the distance

3) It has been a wake-up call for me as previously, I could just arrange these things without thinking about it.. Had it been further on in the ride, I may have had no support and left struggling at the side of the road on my own. It could have been worse than it was..

4) I can do a countdown to the end distance on the blog that will keep the awareness campaign going for longer and get more people involved in cycling

I will post another update next week

Day 16 Arras (update on Tandem Across Borders)

Apologies for the few days break from my blog. I was taking a relaxing few days with family and friends that was much needed after everything that has been happening lately

Day 16 of 21 of Tandem Across Borders on 4th September 2022 was due to be my penultimate day in France had it not been for my medical/cardio irregularities. 

I would have been cycling through Ham, then along the River Somme, through Bapaume and end the day in Arras where I was due to meet my neighbour Leo who was to cycle some of my final day in France with me.

At this stage, we would have cycled approx 2148km

Once again I really apologize to everyone for this but, after the cardio concerns and initial tests, I had no option to rethink my plans as my health has to come first.

My daughter needs her dad to be here for her to reunite with. She has already lost a loving grandmother in 2015 so will never have the opportunity to be reunited with her. All she will have are distant memories and photos 😪. 

It was a scare for me to realise that I have to look after me... For my daughter's sake as well as for my family's sake including my fiancee Michelle who has supported me through every event / challenge.. But this worried her too.

I am going to make damn sure Im fit and healthy for them which is why I am being somewhat cautious at the moment.

I don't want to exaggerate the cardio issues. I believe it was just a scare. Nothing more but I have further tests on 23rd of this month that will hopefully give me the all clear to at least cover the distance I was planning to do on this cycle (2700km). 

It just might need to be closer to home and over a longer period of time recorded on Strava/Garmin/Komoot and so I can be monitored. 

I hope this will be acceptable and I will try to keep you updated as much as possible.

I still want to hit my fundraising target for the Parental Alienation Awareness charity who I would like to help to support parents, families and children who are affected by these heinous behaviours.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Tandemacrossborders-paa 

Steven Monk-Dalton
0034 622 925 754
s.monkdalton@gmail.com

Thank you again for your kind words and your understanding xxxxx

Day 12 - Le Creusot

The twelfth day of our cycle would have taken us from Lyon to Le Creusot. This I feel would have been the toughest day on my original plan with a lot of the day being on a climb

As mentioned yesterday, as soon as I get the all clear from my cardiologist, I intend to complete the distance I would have completed on this journey but on more local routes. Sadly, I don't feel I have any option if I am going to fulfill my commitment to completing the distance.

I will continue to keep all update on this blog until 2700km has been completed and we have reached the £2000 target I had originally planned.

At the moment, the total stands just over £1700 so we are so close!! Thank you for the recent sponsors. Your support is appreciated.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tandemacrossborders-paa

Steven Monk-Dalton
0034 622 925 754
s.monkdalton@gmail.com